


Through The Storm

by heracotta



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Bad Break-Ups (but not between kurotsuki), Getting Together, Kuroo and Tsukki are neighbors, Kuroo is bad at feelings, M/M, The story course throughout the year, Very Minor Character Death, angst with happy ending, learning to love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:33:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26992222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heracotta/pseuds/heracotta
Summary: Kuroo didn't notice that he actually has a neighbor - a really, really quiet one - until he met his neighbor in one of his weaker moments.Tsukishima was quiet but his feelings were loud, and Kuroo can’t help getting caught in the whirlwind.This is a story of embracing fellowship and love, of treating past memories and weaving the future.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 17
Kudos: 92





	1. Meet me on the battlefield, even on the darkest night.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I've changed the title and summary. Found new inspiration from a song I've been repeating for days and it kept me going.
> 
> https://youtu.be/GZrddJPGp1I

It didn’t occur to Kuroo that he has a neighbor, just beside his new apartment unit. As far as he recalled, during the day he moved in with the help of Bokuto, Akaashi and Yaku, the unit beside him was empty. Or looked empty. Now he realized that was not the case.

It was around 3 in the morning, and he was still awake proofreading his reports when he heard keys’ clinking sounds coming from the neighbor. It sounded like attempts were made to open the door but to no avail. Kuroo was alarmed at first, because he thought there weren’t anyone living there. What if someone was trying to break into the (empty) house? He tried to sit still and make as little sounds as possible, fearing the person would switch their target to his unit. But when he heard sniffles - _like someone’s crying_ \- he gathered courage to open his own door and took a peek.

Bless the creaking sound of his door, he accidentally startled the person but instead of bolting away, the person just crowded himself closer towards the door. He spun to see Kuroo standing there, just as shocked. The first few things Kuroo noticed about the person was that he’s tall, because Kuroo himself was tall and he’d know if someone was taller than him. Light-colored hair, glasses askew and his face was a mess with tears, if the light reflection was any telling.

It took a few seconds before the poor guy turned his attention back to the door, trying to fit the keys in, sniffling as he went. Kuroo whispered his offer to help and surprisingly he accepted it, gave Kuroo his keys with shaky hands and more sniffles. Now if Kuroo thinks about it again, the guy could be pretending. That guy could be an actual burglar acting like he was trying to enter his house drunk - but with the way he looked so vulnerable, like he wanted nothing but to hide in his house as soon as he could - won Kuroo’s sympathy. He muttered his thanks when Kuroo unlocked the door and from a quick glance into his house, Kuroo could see how it was decorated with mostly white and looking clean even from that little glimpse.

Kuroo soon learned from the friendly florist grandma from the ground floor’s flower shop that his neighbor had been living there longer than he was. Sure the apartment was still new, but his neighbor was one of the earliest occupants.

“Ah that’s Tsukishima-san,” she told him. “Polite boy, quiet as a mouse. But don’t worry, he never caused problems,”

Causing problems was the least of Kuroo worries when he got curious about him. It was the way he lived so quietly. He was sure he would make some noises when cooking or cleaning but he can’t hear even those from Tsukishima’s unit. But one of the few early things he learned about Tsukishima was that: he’s an early riser. He got up as early as Kuroo in the morning, maybe much early and he used that time to tend to his plants at his balcony. They were pretty, Kuroo thought, well taken care of - but Kuroo felt guilty because he was silently watching Tsukishima from the hidden part of his own balcony. It was not creepy, he told himself. He just didn’t make himself known, because he felt that Tsukishima wouldn’t like that. He felt guilty anyway.

  
  


* * *

On top of the fact that Tsukishima was an early riser, he was also pushing his sleeping time very late. Again, it's 3 in the morning when Kuroo noticed Tsukishima sitting at his balcony and set his gaze far away on the sky or whatever that’s far ahead because he didn’t look like he was observing anything. Just, maybe, getting lost in thoughts.

Kuroo realized that he had never seen Tsukishima’s face clearly. The soft lights coming from inside his house could only illuminate so much. The way it hides the shapes and curves of Tsukishima’s face spiked Kuroo’s curiosity. 

Tsukishima just sat there. He just, sat there. Almost every day.

* * *

Their first proper conversation happened when their first meeting repeated itself. This time it’s earlier. It was around 2 in the morning when Kuroo heard the same clumsy keys clinking and more sniffles. Was Tsukishima a crier drunk? Kuroo opened his door as quietly and carefully as possible, but Tsukishima didn’t realize he was there watching him fumbling with his keys.

“Let me help,” he offered again, voice hushed and low, because it was 2 in the morning and he was sure he would startle Tsukishima with his normal volume. 

  
Tsukishima turned so fast, still shocked anyway that he didn’t notice Kuroo was there all along. Kuroo could see Tsukishima looked even worse from the first time - but he gave way anyway and Kuroo helped unlock his door, again. This time, when Tsukishima muttered his thanks - Kuroo asked before he could completely close the door.

“Are you alright?”

It must be in his voice, or it must be that Tsukishima has reached a breaking point - the latter froze at the question, gaze locked somewhere on Kuroo’s feet - and the dam broke. He just stood there with the door half-opened and cried. He cried so openly yet so quietly and Kuroo only knew that he’s crying his hardest from the amount of tears spilling. Acting on his instinct, Kuroo pushed open the door wider and reached out for Tsukishima’s hands. They were cold, shaking and felt so fragile despite his height. Kuroo squeezed them a little before letting them go and offered his hug with open arms.  
  
Surprisingly Tsukishima closed the distance and walked into them, so Kuroo hugged him. He hugged him like he meant it, he thought hard about giving him as much comfort as he can. He rubbed Tsukishima’s back gently, trying to sooth his sobs. It was louder when he accepted the hug, but as Kuroo gently pats and tells him it’s okay, he could feel Tsukishima grew significantly calmer. He even returned Kuroo’s hug, although weak and tentatively, as if he thought he wasn’t allowed to. 

Everything else after happened in a flash, maybe, Kuroo didn’t know - but he did end up sitting half-reclined on Tsukishima's comfortable couch with the guy draping half of his body on Kuroo. Kuroo fell asleep for a bit but when he woke up, Tsukishima was still asleep like a log. After a crafty maneuver here and there, Kuroo managed to get off the couch, put Tsukishima in a more comfortable position, put a blanket he found on a one-seater nearby over him and left quietly.

* * *

The next day found Tsukishima knocking on his door, cheeks tinted with pinks and offered him a plate of assorted macarons.

“I hope macarons are okay with you,” he quietly said with eyes not quite meeting Kuroo’s. “I bake them myself,”

Kuroo can’t help but smile so wide, accepting the cute, colorful creations from Tsukishima’s hands. Now when the lighting is so much better and Tsukishima was sober, Kuroo noticed how attractive his neighbour was. He tended his pale blond hair, wavy and long enough to frame his face. His fair complexion looked so smooth, it couldn’t even hide his blush - and his glasses were placed nicely on his perfectly shaped nose. It was then Kuroo made a wish - unknown to even himself - that he wanted to stop whatever it was that made Tsukishima looked like the day before, a mess with tears and voice conveyed in cries. 

“Do you want to come in, and enjoy these with me?” Kuroo offered with a wider smile, oh maybe a grin. Tsukishima’s eyes met his own and Kuroo was now one hundred percent confirmed that he wants to keep seeing that beautiful pair of eyes, void of tears and grief.

When Tsukishima shyly smiled back, it’s five hundred percent confirmed.

* * *

While Kuroo and Tsukishima met more often now, for tea and sometimes just a brief visit to share snacks or sweets they’ve gotten for each other - in passing, they say - nothing much has changed with Tsukishima’s routine.

As for Kuroo, everything was alright for him. Work has been busy, but it was ‘normal’ kind of busy. He had enough friends, he had enough time spent for socializing. Things were icky sometimes, but nothing he couldn't handle. Nothing that would cause him sitting at the balcony until very late at night, doing absolutely nothing but stares ahead.

Nothing like Tsukishima was doing every single day.

* * *

Except when he came home drunk again. Crying, again.

This time, Kuroo didn’t manage to open his door. He didn’t get to help Tsukishima in. Tsukishima did all those smoothly, without the sounds of him fumbling and clumsy keys. 

But the sound of his wails and cries afterwards were loud enough for Kuroo to hear for the first time: as the sound coming from his neighbour when he’s inside.

He didn’t realize he had his hands in tight fists until his own nail dug into his palm and stung enough to snap him back to present.

* * *

“Tsukishima,” Kuroo’s voice was soft. 

He was now standing in front of Tsukishima’s door, a small box of cake slices in his hand - waiting for his neighbour to open the door.

“Tsukishima, I brought you cakes,” he tried. “You liked them don’t you?”

It took another ten seconds for Kuroo to hear the sounds of door unlocking. A peek. Tsukishima wasn’t drenched in tears, but his eyes looked so damn tired. Kuroo smiled anyway, lifting the small box for him to see.

The blonde opened his door wider and let Kuroo in. Having been in his house for embarrassingly a lot of times made him familiar with the layout. Kuroo made his way to the kitchen and placed the box on top of the counter. He plopped himself on the stool while Tsukishima got them two glasses of juice.

His eyes looked bad. Even behind the glasses, glinting as he moved, Kuroo could see the red and swollen eyes.

Kuroo didn’t know what took him over but when Tsukishima leaned forward to place the glass in front of him, Kuroo reached out and cupped his cheek with his right hand. He moved his thumb to swipe gently, carefully over the eye bag, colored with an alarming mauve.

Tsukishima didn’t freeze. He didn’t even get startled. The only sign that he was surprised by the move was the way his eyes quickly flickered up to see Kuroo’s face and they stayed there. Another swipe and Tsukishima’s eyes fluttered close. He tilted his head and sunk further into Kuroo’s gentle touch with a sigh.

Kuroo got up from his stool, took a few steps to round the counter and walked closer to Tsukishima. He raised his free hand to cup the other cheek, thumbing at his cheekbones. No one said anything for a while.

“Come here,” Kuroo whispered.

And Tsukishima walked into his hug, dropped his forehead on Kuroo’s shoulder and faintly sighed.

Kuroo stayed a little longer this time. Enough for him to fell asleep on Tsukishima’s couch, after cuddling for a while. It was just Tsukishima laying his head on Kuroo’s chest, hugging him while half lying down on the couch - comfortable enough to fit them both. They didn’t say anything much. Kuroo didn’t want to say anything much this time. He was fine listening to Tsukishima’s steady breathing. He was fine with the warmth Tsukishima radiated. He was fine feeling the weight of Tsukishima innocently lying on top of him. He was fine being the comfort for Tsukishima and felt the latter slowly melt into his care.

He was fine like this.

* * *

He was fine until on the very same day, 2 in the morning. He woke up to find the balcony door was opened, and Tsukishima was doing it again. He was outside, staring ahead to nothingness. Or maybe something, because the view was nice at night.There were stars today too.

Kuroo quietly padded to the door, leaned against it as he watched Tsukishima sitting there, not noticing the presence behind him. A slight gust of wind ruffled the soft blonde tufts, and Kuroo shivered from the sudden cold air.

Five minutes passed with just Kuroo being satisfied standing there and watching the person he came to like so much - sitting there doing nothing.

“I have a lot of baggage, Kuroo-san,” Kuroo was fiddling with his fingers when Tsukishima spoke suddenly, in that soft quiet voice of his. “And I knew you’ve been watching,”.

Tsukishima paused for a few more seconds, turned his head towards Kuroo and gave him a broken smile.

“I’m sitting here counting,” Tsukishima continued, when Kuroo was too speechless to try. “Every little thing that made moving on and growing up, worth it,”

* * *

“I saw Kuroo-kun talking to Kei-kun the other day,” the friendly florist grandma greeted him in their pigeon holes area. “Is he getting better?”

Kuroo just looked at her, clueless.

“I didn’t see him going out to visit his grave anymore. It’s good that he moved on,” she continued on - and Kuroo assumed that he knew.   
  


* * *

Kuroo couldn’t describe the uncomfortable feeling etched in his heart, itching to be pulled out. He only knew that it stung. 

They were lounging in Tsukishima's living room when Kuroo let his mind wander a little more. He tried to look around and find any evidence for his suspicions. Pictures of a lover, something like that . On the pristine white wall sat a few picture frames of little Tsukishima Kei and Akiteru, his older brother. Akiteru. He's everywhere. Ok maybe his suspicion was a little off. Maybe not a lover. 

“Did you stop visiting his grave?” Kuroo blurted out and wished he could take it back, somehow. 

Tsukishima tilted his head, looking at Kuroo with unspoken question asking for clarification.

“Your brother,” he supplied. Tsukishima stared a little longer.

“Aki-nii is still alive and kicking, Kuroo-san. He’s constantly being annoying too,” Tsukishima answered anyway, but still looking thoroughly confused.

“Oh..” Kuroo took his eyes away from Tsukishima, feeling embarrassment creeping in. “Sorry,”

“Ahhh,” he clicked his tongue and nodded a little to himself. “You must be talking to Grandma Chiyo”

* * *

It was his ex that the florist grandma, Grandma Chiyo was talking about.

The one that broke-off things with Tsukishima, but not without accusing him for lack of emotions and compassion or for being busy with work and almost constant overtime. Their fight could be heard along the corridor. Turned out he was cheating all the way. The accusations were just some pathetic attempts to cover his ugly deeds with flimsy lies.

“‘ _You’re unloved, Tsukishima. You’ll forever be unloved'_ -he screamed at me,” 

They were hanging out, this time in Kuroo’s house. Kuroo was still feeling uncomfortable from his recent mistakes, so he was a little bit quiet and less perky, minding the thoughts in his head. To that sentence, however, he shifted his attention back to Tsukishima.

“And then he had to _went down the road, gotten hit and gone_ ,” Tsukishima scoffed, and it was the first time for Kuroo to see that Tsukishima was truly irritated. By a memory.

“Imagine hearing someone’s last words were curses towards you,” Tsukishima’s face shifted into something soft, “When you were still in love but can’t say the same with him,”

Kuroo listened to the last words went down and hushed as whispers and it was as if the pain lodged in his heart just dug itself further to make it sting.

* * *

He can’t win over a memory. Kuroo thought he’d be stupid if he still wanted to plough through. He couldn’t forget the way Tsukishima’s face and tone shifted as he talked about the ghost from the past. Nevermind that it ended bitter. It definitely didn’t erase the happiness and everything that Tsukishima treasured before everything plummeted in just a day. Definitely didn’t change the way Tsukishima loved, he thought, if the way he behaved now could explain everything.

Kuroo brought his mind back to the first day he found Tsukishima drunk and tried.

To the second time Tsukishima drunk and cried.

To the third time Tsukishima drunk and his resolve died.

And to the days he looked wrecked still, even with Kuroo’s company. Because of a memory.

  
He can’t win over a memory.

* * *

So Kuroo saved himself. He doubled his work. He signed up for weekend gym and training. He took tasks that made him leave Tokyo for a few days. One side of his brain told him to stop running away. The other side told him it’s okay. He’s protecting himself.

But was he?

Because he'd let everything about Tsukishima Kei invade his senses, his happiness. The way he ate Tsukishima’s favorite cake - because it reminded him of Tsukishima. The way he listened to the songs in the playlist they’ve shared before, while it was still fine and memory-haunting-free (for him). The way he quietly stayed in his unit, strained to listen to the sounds of Tsukishima unlocking his door and walked his quiet steps in. At least he didn’t come back drunk and crying again, Kuroo thought.

Although somehow even that stung. Tsukishima didn’t even care if they rarely saw each other now. It's a month now. He’s not worthy enough to get sad over, _to get drunk and cry over_ \-- but Kuroo slapped himself awake after that thought.

So much for wanting Tsukishima’s happiness.

He can’t win over a memory.

* * *

When Kuroo saw Tsukishima again at the apartment, he no longer sporting his long wavy hair. It was cut short, almost an undercut but the blonde tufts still look so soft. He looked intimidating that way. It was making his height apparent and he looked mean. Yet he’s still so beautiful for Kuroo. 

He caught Tsukishima’s eyes on the same day. The latter was staring at him, void of emotions. At least from what he saw from afar. For a moment both of them stuck rooted, eyes on each other. 

Kuroo has been ~~running away~~ saving himself. But one look at the face he loved so much, he wanted to cry. He was so close to asking Tsukishima to let him in. To let him make new memories together. To overwrite the ones breaking him, to something that builds him. To give Tsukishima more reasons he’d smile. So Kuroo can smile too. But he never told Tsukishima that. He left before he even tried. He thought he had seen enough. Enough to give up on the blonde.

But did he?

When Tsukishima took tentative steps closer, Kuroo stepped back. The way Tsukishima glanced at Kuroo’s feet in surprise, Kuroo knew he noticed. _It’s now or never_. With a determined grip on his door handle, Kuroo twisted it open and stepped into his unit.


	2. I will be your sword and shield, your camouflage and you will be mine.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kuroo was subdued and Tsukishima trudges on.
> 
> Tragic pasts don't always have to render you weak and they don't always have to beat you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you feel the mess of my writing? Y/Y

The sound of the door clicking was loud even to his ears. His heart was pounding hard. Kuroo stayed behind the door, breathing carefully and his hand stayed on the handle in a tight grip still. From the shadow under the door he could guess Tsukishima walked to his door, stayed there for a couple of minutes before moving away. Kuroo sagged on his knees, his mind jumbled and he confused himself about the reasons he needed to hide from Tsukishima.

The one who’s hurting first was not him. The one openly crying to a stranger and accepting the warmth that stranger had to offer, wasn’t him. He wasn’t the one spending his supposed sleeping hours staring into nothing, counting little things that could push him to move forward, to grow up, to live. But he selfishly fell in love. He selfishly made a wish for himself, to be the one that would make Tsukishima happy. Selfishly wanting to be the reason for the smile he always wants to see again.

What has gotten him so upset? The feeling of defeat? The helplessness? The scratching, aching pain of not being enough for Tsukishima?

It was already too late for him when he realized that he would never know. All these crushing feelings were merely his idea, his concept of what Tsukishima was experiencing. He wouldn’t know, he didn’t ask.

When he was down with the flu due to him overworking himself a week after, he had more time to mull over his thoughts on the bed. He wondered if he didn’t assume, he wondered if he asked and figured out if he could have any chances to fill Tsukishima’s life with all of him. They were doing so well. They’ve talked, they’ve spent free time with each other, taking turns with their house. Tsukishima already had his favorite spot on his red couch. Kuroo has almost completely claimed ¾ of Tsukishima’s plush, comfortable couch. They filled each other’s fridge with the snacks they bought extras because “I think you’d like this”. Kuroo has seen Tsukishima cry, the latter has cried on Kuroo’s shoulder. They’ve hugged, cuddled and Kuroo might have sneaked a kiss on Tsukishima’s forehead when he was asleep, tired from being sad.

They were doing so well, and Kuroo let a memory ruin it.

The high and drunk from Tsukishima’s company and Kuroo’s own feelings towards the blonde rendered him unable to see from his perspective for once. He was perceptive, a lot of people told him so. He was always steps ahead. But he’s high and drunk from everything that was Tsukishima. He was only a little disoriented.

And a little too late.

* * *

He might have spilled his heart contents to Bokuto and Akaashi when they came to visit Kuroo later. Bokuto had taken the liberty to tidy up his house. When Akaashi brought him soup and water, he let go. He blamed Akaashi’s glasses for reminding him of the blonde. To his credit, Akaashi sat down and listened, and said nothing. Kuroo was fine with that. He didn’t expect anyone to say anything. He wouldn’t want to, for fear he’d be laughed at or mocked.

The drowsy state his medications put him in made him confused. Embarrassingly so, because when Yaku took turn to bring him food afterwards, Kuroo held his wrist in a vice grip and called him Tsukishima. He apologized to him, spilled his heart, raw and open. He earned himself a hard pinch on his cheek when he started hugging Yaku’s waist and chanting love at him. Yaku didn’t comment on it but he insisted for Kuroo to recover quickly because “It’s weird seeing you like this,” he said.

There were so many emotions in one day, he was feeling even more sick and tired and irritated - but his dreams that night felt a lot like salve on his many wounds. Like soft kneads on his muscles after a tiring day. Like a smile after a cry. Like Tsukishima.

He dreamt of him sitting on the very end of his bed, hands folded in his lap and looking at him fondly. Kuroo called his name and tried to move his cold hands under the cover, to reach out and touch him - but Tsukishima stood up and dropped on his knees right beside Kuroo’s face instead.

Tsukishima’s hand was cold but it was soft; and the way he gently caressed Kuroo’s cheek that’s not smushed into the pillow - Kuroo was feeling sorry. He was so so sorry. That and all of his feelings formed a lump in his throat. Kuroo forced out a whispered sorry, hoarse from the flu that’s bogging him down. 

Tsukishima’s voice in response to his apologies sounded so near, so close to his heart. So hushed, so soft and Kuroo felt undeserving.

“Shh.. it’s okay, Kuroo-san,”

* * *

By the time he was awake the next day, Kuroo was feeling a lot better. His nightstand was kept clean and tidy, only a glass of water and medicines were left there. A pair of socks were placed on the very end of his bed and he reminded himself to thank Bokuto, Akaashi and Yaku for their help. It wasn’t usual for Kuroo to fall sick, so when he did, his friends would make it huge.

What he didn’t expect to find when he walked out with socked feet and wobbly steps was Tsukishima - carefully serving a bowl of porridge, on a tray - and Kuroo assumed he would bring it to bed. He wasn’t ready for this-- he wasn’t supposed to run away again too but his traitorous legs carried him straight to the bathroom. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears when he finally closed the door. He was the worst.

As if mocking him, his bathroom mirror showed him his wrecked face from 2 days visiting the hell and back. He had some colors in now but it’s hideous, still - and his very own eyes were provoking him. He was a mess.

_‘It’s okay, Kuroo-san’_

Kuroo washed his face and brushed his teeth, taking his time so he could sort his words out. He returned the stare his reflection gave him while wiping his face dry. Now that his head wasn’t muddled with pain and buzzing sounds, he can hear himself more. Told himself he can do this. He’d talk. He’s ready. His convincing monologue however, couldn’t even prepare him for the hug he was pulled in the moment he stepped out. He could smell a faint coconut and vanilla, gentle on his senses. He could feel the long pair of arms holding him tight, enveloping him in warmth he could drown in.

Tsukishima didn’t say anything, other than pressing the side of his face to Kuroo’s and Kuroo could feel a soft breath on his neck from how close they were.

“It’s okay, Kuroo-san,” he repeated. Just like in the dream.

To be fair, Kuroo was still weak. To be fair, he was also cold. To be fair, he was longing for the hug. So he returned the hug, a weak nod, just enough to make it known to Tsukishima - and wrapped his own arms around him.

* * *

Their days went on with Tsukishima coming back now and then to look after Kuroo, although the latter was getting a lot better now. Apparently Akaashi managed to get hold of ‘Tsukishima’ and by some magic weaved words he sent his neighbor to check on him. It was unsure whether Kuroo wanted to thank him for that.

Or maybe he would, because the next few days seeing him and Tsukishima fell back to their usual routine, albeit a little awkward because there was a little dance around each other that he and Tsukishima were so committed in. Tsukishima didn’t bring up the obvious issue of Kuroo evading him. Kuroo didn’t dare to talk about it. And it was wrong. It was awkward and it was wrong. Kuroo knows he still needs to apologize.

He still wanted to confess.

If anything good happened during these awkward dance period, it was that Tsukishima didn’t get drunk anymore. He’s home early now, not 11pm to 12am like he used to. Said his 2 months paid leave was over and he’s back on track with his job at the museum. Kuroo got to enjoy the eye candy Tsukishima unknowingly gave him. Seeing him in a pressed shirt and long coat when he headed out to work was a blessing. 

Tsukishima looked… more alive.

* * *

“If both past you and future you come and meet you today, who do you fear the most?”

“Past and future huh,”

“Mmhm,”

“I’m not sure, Tsukki. Maybe... future? What if I come back bald? That’d be scary,”

“You’re so silly,”

“What about you?”

“Hm?”

“Which one would you fear the most?”

“Future.”

“Future?”

“Future. At least I was done with the past me and I can move on. But the future me would mean regardless of what I do today or what I change today - the outcomes have already been decided. I don’t think I can live with such helplessness. I don’t want to know what the future holds for me yet,”

“Spoiler free zone,”

“I’ll pinch your throat,”

Scary as it sounds (it wasn’t), with the smiles that followed after; Kuroo thought maybe he wouldn’t mind getting pinched, or punched even.

* * *

Grandma Chiyo called for Tsukishima when they were on their way home, walking past her flower shop. She scuttled from the counter with a small bouquet of daffodils and went straight to hand it to Tsukishima. The latter accepted it on reflex. He glanced down at the bright colored flowers before looking up to Grandma Chiyo, eyes filled with questions.

She just gave him the kindest smile Kuroo had seen and it was as if they had a silent conversation between themselves because Tsukishima returned the smile, just as kind.

Kuroo may or may not have looked up for the meanings afterwards.

* * *

It wasn’t like they’re together all the time. Sometimes, work demanded Kuroo for extra hours and his weekend - or sometimes it was Tsukishima. He was lingering in the mailroom housing the residents’ pigeon holes when he heard short conversations between Grandma Chiyo with Tsukishima. Honest he didn’t mean to eavesdrop, he was just nearby. He didn’t even need to pull any efforts to hear bits of their conversations. 

She asked him if he was heading to the graveyard again.

He said he had things he needed to do, and they were important.

Perhaps Kuroo may have forgotten about the issue at all. The very thing that caused a rift between them, albeit brief, was still a problem. He counted to then after Tsukishima said his bye to Grandma Chiyo before he walked out that mailroom. She was still there.  
  
She gave him the same smile she had on for Tsukishima when she gave him the bouquet, but also gently patted his arm and made her way back to her unit.

Kuroo was already nodding off on his couch watching whatever the television had to offer, but a series of knockings on his door startled him awake. It was almost dusk and Kuroo couldn't help to wonder if Tsukishima was already home.

Well, wonder no more, Kuroo Tetsurou, because when he got up and saw his guest - it was Tsukishima.

“Kuroo-san,” he greeted before Kuroo could say hi, and boldly invited himself in. Not that Kuroo would mind. He stepped aside to allow his neighbor in. 

To his credit, Tsukishima actually waited for Kuroo to close the door before crowding him to the wall, both hands on Kuroo’s cheek and eyes locked on him. They were flashed with so many emotions Kuroo couldn’t catch in his quite-sleepy state. Kuroo didn’t even get to ask, or process them in his head because the next thing he knew was a pair of soft lips on his own. Chaste, soft, just a little cold and a little too quick. When Tsukishima pulled back slightly, Kuroo glanced down to his lips before meeting the honey gold eyes he adored so much.

No one said anything. Kuroo was too focused on Tsukishima’s shaky breathing and the way looked at a spot beside Kuroo’s head, but his hands never moved away from the cheeks. He didn’t do anything more after a while and it screamed so much uncertainty, so Kuroo gently pulled him closer by the base of his neck - letting their forehead touch. 

“Can I have this?” he asked - voice begging to be heard. His touches begged Tsukishima to look at him in the eyes and when he did, Kuroo tried to open himself. So wide open, so Tsukishima could see, could feel, and could hear how much he’s willing to dive in.

Kuroo smiled when Tsukishima nodded.

“Can I have you?” 

Oh how overjoyed he felt when Tsukishima was flushed red.

“Can I be your memory?”

Kuroo definitely didn’t miss the way it caught Tsukishima off guard, with how his eyes widened. But Kuroo needs to know, it might not be the right time, not when Tsukishima was already trying to take a step closer to him - but there’s no knowing when would be the right time. Was there even a right time? He had already wasted so much. 

Tsukishima pressed the hands on Kuroo’s cheek harder and slightly pulled his face down. “Kuroo-san,” he kissed Kuroo on the forehead. “-you’re already my best memory”. On his right eyelid. “-and I’m not planning,” Left. “-to stop at that,”

He hugged Kuroo then, and wasn’t even shy to hide his face in the crook of Kuroo’s neck - breathing him in.

“You’re the gold that put me together,  
  
I want you to be my future,”

  
  


* * *

Tsukishima was beautiful, Kuroo knew this and he knew it very well. It wasn’t just about how the color of his eyes, or the flawless shapes and contour of his face, or how his figure radiated regality - it was also the way he grew, the way he tried, the way he fought, the way he loved. Kuroo was no poet, couldn’t write proper poetry if people asked but he could sing praises with all the metaphors he learned and still make it sound poetic. He was no writer, can’t write a whole essay of reasons but he could probably write pages of love letters about how he adored Tsukishima.

And Tsukishima was a quality sap on his own too.

“It might be a tragic end to everything, given how much pain he left me with but I went there anyway. Just to say I’ve healed.

And that I’ve found you,”

* * *

Together means they’re spending nights at each others’ house, taking turns. Together means eating together. There was a lot of texting during work, leaving the door with “have a safe trip,” and a kiss (or two, or more), coming to a “welcome home” and meals. There were a lot of hugs, a lot of cuddling, a lot of intimacy.

Most times Tsukishima was content being spooned. He liked it anyway. Loved it even. Kuroo loved playing with his hair, booping his nose or just noisily kissing him. 

Tonight Kuroo was content laying on his boyfriend’s (boyfriend) lap. He was content with delicate fingers carding through his hair, pinching his ears sometimes or tapping on his cheeks. 

“There was no winner if there wasn’t any contest,” Tsukishima stroked his eyebrow with lightfeather touches. Kuroo wanted to hide in his lap. He knew where this was going. He has managed to avoid it for so long. Nevermind they were together now, but he told himself he would. To apologize, at least.

“You can’t win over a memory if I’ve already chosen you. I’ve decided for you, willing to give this heart for you. Told you didn’t I? I can leave the past. It’s the future I’m afraid of,”

“Are you…” Kuroo cleared his throat. “Are you still afraid?”

“With you? No,”

* * *

Kuroo managed to spill the long overdue apologies to Tsukishima, for almost giving up everything, for evading, for not trying - but Tsukishima returned his apologies with his own. For being him, for stealing Kuroo’s time (and heart), for all the troubles.

Turned out, it was only polite. None of them thought there’s something to forgive between them. It was a part of learning, Tsukishima said. About each other - to which Kuroo agreed. He learned that Tsukishima was only scraping himself raw, with the cries, and heavy thinking, so he’d shed all the memories like a snake shedding its skin. So he’d reborn, unhindered, and ready for love again, to love again. 

And Kuroo, Kuroo made it easy for him - he said. That Kuroo gave. Advice, attention, time. Love. All those Tsukishima want to give in return, ‘if you allow me’ he said.

Silly.  
  


Kuroo did ask him when he knew he-

“-liked you?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Kuroo shrugged, trying hard to appear nonchalant and not caring about the answers to his question. There was no way he’s nonchalant about this.

“The cake day. The day you brought me cakes,”

Kuroo winced, because both of them were aware what happened the night before which caused him to drop him his cakes, but it’s okay. Tsukishima has moved on from that, he’s a lot better now.  
  
“So I won you with cakes? Tsukki,”

“Ugh you’re so silly,”

“That’s good because then I’ll just buy cakes to build reputation with you,” Kuroo got a sharp pinch on his thigh.

“You called me home,” Kuroo chewed his snack slowly, not understanding. “You called me into your arms. It felt like home,”

All these while Kuroo has been singing about the way Tsukishima’s pale complexion didn’t hide the way he blushed, the way he would always feel accomplished and overjoyed if he managed to get him blushed, but nothing he did could prepare him the day HE blushed. He just hoped that it wasn’t so obvious.

Tsukishima noticed it, however. Especially when Kuroo didn’t even manage a reply to that, suddenly so focused on the packaging of the snack in his hand but Tsukishima crawled onto his lap, took the packaging away and flopped himself all over Kuroo. His hands hovered around Tsukishima’s head before slowly ran his fingers through the soft strands of blond hair.

“I’m glad you’re here, neighbor,

  
I'm glad I'm home."  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, everyone. I don't usually write. My writing "style" if there's any at all, doesn't always carry through. But if there's something I always liked to do is sharing what I thought about life in different situation, when you're with different people, and with different set of perspectives.
> 
>  _You’re the gold that put me together_ also lightly referring to kintsugi or kintsukuroi, a method to put together broken pottery with gold. 
> 
> Also I'm sharing this again: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZrddJPGp1I

**Author's Note:**

> '3')v
> 
> Hey ya. So some might found this a little out of character of Kuroo because if there's courage and confidence, that's definitely him. He has just little cocky side with his attractive smirks, and he can because he's just _that_ , you know? But let's say we don't have to see all of that here, let's say he does retain his "confident smirky bastard" side but when he's home, when it's personal and when he doesn't have to do all that, he's just like the others. There's insecurity, there's doubt, and there's vulnerability. 
> 
> I always think of love of something silly, it makes you vulnerable, but with right people it's fun and it helps you grow. Not so much as fixing, I don't fancy the idea of "fixing people with love" - but maybe - giving clearer sights of what you can do and achieve. Because with right people, love makes you happy. And I just want to talk around that,
> 
> Thank you for reading.


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